As they closed the casket while the song Taps was being played on a bugle- it was the military shots being fired outside the church that shook me to my core. There is a finality to that sound that resonates somewhere deep within. You realize that your loved one is gone from this earthly plain forever and life as you know it will never be the same without them. My mother is the last surviving member of her immediate family and that must do something to your spirit to bury them all. Death is a reminder that our time here on Earth is fleeting. “The trouble is, you think you have time.”- Buddha

Day after day we make much ado over nothing. We bicker and fight with real and imagined enemies. We consider ourselves important and our issues even grander. The fact of the matter is that DEATH is the great equalizer. It matters not how kind or evil you are, the title you’ve earned, or the riches you’ve acquired. Death is one of the few certainties of life that doesn’t deal in the gray. None of us are getting out of this alive and in the end, all that we leave in our wake are our tiny empires of dirt. Despite having lived a long and full life- the finality of it all is quite sobering.

Sitting in the church pew listening to family and friends speak on my uncle’s life and legacy stirred emotions ranging from sadness to satisfaction realizing how many people’s lives he impacted with his service- not only to the military, but to his family. But, I couldn’t seem to shake a sense of dark clarity that struck me like a knife in my side. My mother was the last one standing in her immediate family. She had buried her mother at a young age, her father next, middle brother, and lastly her oldest sibling. There are two types of “immediate” family units: the ones we are born into and the ones we create later in life. All that remains for her now is the one she created.

As we walked out of the church on that steamy and blistering hot New Orleans day, I wanted to hug her tightly, as the gravity of it all had yet to be fully realized. I’ve lived long enough to know that Grief will give you time to be numb before she invites her friends: Pain and Sadness. Grief is strange thing. Vicki Harrison said, “Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” Death, Grief, Pain, and Sadness are all inevitable in this thing we call Life. The key is to find the space between these cracks and let the light of Life, Joy, Happiness, and Gratitude gently settle in between.

Each passing year, I realize that death is nothing more than a transition from one life to the next. It should be viewed as a celebration of life and not an ending. Unfortunately, that realization doesn’t take away the pain and sense of loss from having your love one present in everyday life. Sadly, many of us will taste the pain of being the “last one.” But, without death would we truly value life? Let death be the impetus for living out your dreams. Let it keep you awake at night, spurring you to greatness. Most importantly, let it remind you of how precious life is and how none of us are promised tomorrow. So, live your life to the fullest, have no regrets, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Love is the only thing that can transcend death.

Speaking Frankly,

Janay Frank