Have you ever felt like you just don’t fit in? You may be successful and have several friends, but something deep inside of you feels like the mothership took off, left Earth for another galaxy and left you behind. Despite what others may project onto you there is a piece of you that can relate to various groups, but you never feel like you truly fit into any of them. You can’t seem to squeeze into that tiny and neat little box that polite society seems to covet and revere. In fact, you would rather die than to go along to get along. Although, you may pretend to care for your children’s sake, career or political advancement in your community, or simply as a means to meet new people by joining these fluffy and banal organizations that view themselves to be of the bourgeoise- you realize that it doesn’t fill the void. These people and groups don’t define you, as you know that who you are and what you are is too large to be contained.

I once read that, “Sometimes it’s not the people who change, it’s the mask that falls off.” At some point we all wear masks in society to play a role. Those who don’t are considered outcasts, non-conformists, or outliers. They have outgrown the need to fit in and belong and the others who still have their masks on, fear them. Eventually, those who wear these masks come to despise those who don’t. We often times fear what we cannot understand. Imagine a person who fears nothing or no one. Their sense of self worth comes from deep within, a God given gift that we all possess, but only a select few uncover it in their lifetime. The others draw a large part of their confidence and identity from external factors such as material possessions, memberships into exclusive clubs, and/or their socio-economic standing in society. The problem with this way of being in the world is that systems collapse and are based on subjectivity and the whims of others. However, it may be nice to feel apart of an elevated social construct, but what do you do when that structure collapses, because it will- as it was built solely on a house of cards.

There are only two emotions in this world: Love and Fear. All positive emotions come from love and all negative emotions from fear. The world is filled with people making fear based decisions and projecting unto those who have laid down their masks to be their authentic selves. When you determine which emotion is the primary factor that guides someone’s life- you can begin to understand the choices they make and also what motivates them. Fear based decisions are those based on external factors such as belonging to groups, buying houses and cars to “keep up with the Joneses”, believing that one’s economic status makes them a better person. One of thee greatest people in human history called himself a KING, but walked amongst the dregs of society judging no one or no thing. He didn’t let material possessions rule His life, instead He knew that those things were impermanent and that true power comes from within- and that which is eternal. He was at one point considered an outcast, non-conformist, and an outlier that was later recognized as thee greatest example of how to live our lives. Matthew 19: 24 “Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” In my opinion, a large part of society has it backwards. All that glitters ain’t gold. They are primarily focused on acquiring worldly riches and on appearances from the outside that may be pretty, but not worried about the ugliness that lies within.

The older you get the more you hope to make choices based on love and not fear. You ask yourself introspective questions such as, “what and who feeds my soul and am I making decisions that are in my best interest or am I trying to live up to the expectations of others?” Hopefully, you can have the courage to shed layers of life that no longer serve you. During this process, you will lose people that don’t value the “new you” because they are still living in fear- hoping to be accepted externally instead of knowing that there is nothing that anyone can add to you internally that God has not already bestowed upon you at birth. The deficit is found in your belief or lack thereof. So, those who believe in themselves frighten those who don’t. Lauren Alex Hooper said, “And you my dear,  you scare people because you are whole all by yourself.” You can’t control people who don’t value these external luxuries, as they are ruled by things that money can’t buy and not everyone possesses: truth, courage, faith, freedom, hope, and the greatest of these…love.

The greatest gift my parents ever gave me is the gift of unconditional love and a deep sense of self-knowing that there is nothing that I can’t do. “Nothing is impossible to a willing mind….” is a quote that I have used as the foundation of my life. What grew out of that is a confidence in myself that can alienate others simply because they fear that which they don’t understand. They possess it too, but just have to rediscover that truth within themselves. Although, it may be nice to possess worldly goods and be affiliated with certain organizations that provide external benefits- ultimately I see through that veil of ego. As I continue down this path of living in my purpose and trying to manifest my dreams- it can be a difficult and lonely journey. I often times feel like an outlier. I suppose I’ve spent enough time focusing on the darkness that we all face at various times in our lives. Helen Keller once said, “Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.” My advice to you is to be different, keep going, keep believing in yourself, keep the faith, and keep shining despite those who choose to live in fear, because what the soul truly desires is not out there in the world- what we are truly looking for is found within us.

Speaking Frankly,

Janay Durand Frank