As I binge watch the 1st season of “And Just Like That”, a show that beautifully displays the women of “Sex and the City” transitioning from the friendship that they had in their 30’s & 40’s to a more complicated reality of life and friendship in their 50’s- I can’t help but smile and realize just how important friendships can be in our lives. “Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” We don’t get to choose our family, but we certainly can choose our friends. For they will be the ones who stick with you until the bitter end- not out of obligation, but out of a deep sense of connection, mutual admiration, and most of all love.

As a fellow writer, I have always related most to the character Carrie Bradshaw. She made her way in the world and through the city with a curiosity that rivals mine and a voracious appetite for fashion, romance, love, and friendship. Her sense of style is eclectic and funky- never worrying about what is trendy- she set the trends! But, most of all she always stays true to herself and her friends holding them in the highest regard; all while wearing a gorgeous pair of Manolo Blank heels. I may not love to wear stilettos quite like she does, but my super accessory has always been a big pair of 14karat gold hoops. I feel as though they give me power. But in all seriousness, my real superpower has always been, just like Carrie, my ability to be the glue in all of my friend groups. The one to pull everyone out together, the one who speaks frankly, but only because she cares. The one who says I love you and the one who gives my all to the ones I call friends.

As I get older, I see just how critical it is to have friends in our lives from giving us a sense of physical and mental well-being, reduced stress, emotional support, a sense of belonging, and support through challenging events, but more importantly to get through this thing called life with someone who truly sees you and accepts you for who you are. Someone who hopefully won’t take you for granted, because good friends are hard to find. As we grow, friends will fall off, because we change and our expectations become greater. What we may have accepted in the past no longer suits us and what we need, want, and deserve is No Ordinary Love. We crave something deeper and more profound. Reciprocity is paramount and minimal effort will no longer suffice. The beauty about friendships are that there are no contracts, government interference, or spiritual texts limiting our freedoms to map out how things will play out. It’s plain and simple… you show up for each other because you want to and it makes life’s punches a tad bit easier to manage.

Just like Carrie, I found my “Mr. Big”, the love of my life. It’s not been an easy path, but nonetheless… it’s a Love Deluxe! What makes it work over the years is the simple fact that he is my friend. He knows me better than I sometimes know myself. We laugh hysterically at the absurd trials and tribulations that always seem to befall me and we dance in the kitchen like no one is watching. We are far from perfect and drive each other nuts sometimes, but I think what he loves most about me is obviously my curves, but ironically my edges too. LOL! Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” Well, I say he who finds a good friend has been blessed and is highly favored. I believe that we will all find the loves of our lives in the end and even if we don’t… like Charlotte said in an episode of Sex and the City, “Maybe we can be each other’s soul mates. And then we can let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.” My husband isn’t the only love of my life- my friends are too!

And just like that, I look up and realize that over the years I’ve had my share of friendship make up’s, break-up’s, breakdowns, and breakthroughs. As I age and mature through the decades, like the women in the show, I display more compassion and grace with my friendships all the while limiting access to my space when boundaries are crossed. My friendship is not light- it’s very deep and I take it to be a very serious matter. As I make my way through the city and into the night, the “accessory” that has never failed me- besides my gold hoops- is the realization that all the break-up’s were necessary for my greatest good and my ultimate growth. Anyone who was lost by me speaking my truth was not divinely aligned, as the truth will only reveal people’s true intent over time. “A true friend accepts who you are, but also helps you become who you should be.” So in this chapter of my story I’m not focusing on what was lost- I’m focusing on who is here and who continues to show up and show out! So speak frankly, support each other to be great, and get “Carrie’d” away with sex in the city, a lust for a luxurious life, laughter and love. But, make sure to keep friendship as the glue, as that will be the tie that binds through and through.

Speaking Frankly,

Janay Durand Frank