Have you ever been so far out in a body of water that you knew you couldn’t turn back. The only way out was to try and make it to the other side- not to stop, but instead to keep treading through to shore. Marriage is like being in the ocean. It’s vast, deep, beautifully mysterious- at times rough, stormy, and terrifying. In the beginning, the gentle waves lull you near and seduce you into a trance like state. At some point, those same waves seem to be pulling you down and you feel like you’re drowning. The ocean is a perfect metaphor to explain the complexities of marriage with the tides of love rolling in peacefully and also crashing recklessly upon the shore of life. After recently celebrating 25 years of marriage- I realize that we have weathered the many storms that have come with resiliency and reveled in the beauties found deep below, by the grace of God.
We boarded the plane to Cabo with the anticipation and excitement of being whisked away to the resort of our dreams- just the two of us. I packed at least three outfits for everyday of the seven day 25th anniversary celebration. Walking into our cozy casita with rose petals strewn on the bed while the sun set displaying a blue line in a red sky- we walked onto our balcony and witnessed the most breathtaking views of the Sea of Cortez. As he pulled me into his arms, I felt like the 23 year old girl who had married her college sweetheart and there was no other place in the world that I’d rather be. Little did we know that the beginning of our trip would mirror the start of our marriage, but the middle of this adventure would resemble the many challenges that have come later in marriage and in life.
I’m not sure who told us that Cabo doesn’t get hurricanes, but they lied. Or at least they forgot to mention that they go by another name and that is a cyclone. Hurricane or cyclone Kay was forming 100 miles off in the Pacific Ocean. As we monitored the weather daily, I had faith that we would make it out of that situation alive and well. Nothing was going to stop me from a night out on the town celebrating this major milestone. After all, attending college in Louisiana had well prepared me for the storms of life in many ways both literally and figuratively speaking. The day came and it was our silver anniversary. We had made it through all the ups and downs, ins and outs, and we were still together holding on and refusing to let go. Later that night we had dinner plans at a fancy restaurant and I was planning to pull out the big guns and wear my sexy form fitting fuchsia dress that I knew would surely turn heads, but most importantly my husband’s. However, much to my chagrin, our dinner plans were cancelled as the storm was rolling in and everything was being boarded up and shut down. The only restaurant open that night to dine in was a lovely, but casually quaint one. It wasn’t the 5 star experience I had eagerly anticipated and expected. As the day drew on, the winds had picked up, the sky turned into an eerie dark blue, and the once beautiful ocean turned menacing and appeared to be capable of swallowing us whole.
Just as disappointment was trying to sink me below, I heard laughter coming from the balcony below us. Even though the storm was rolling in, people were still in the swimming pool drinking and reveling despite our impending doom. I eagerly wanted to join them, as the rain had yet to fall from the sky. I felt that this was our last ditch effort to save the day, be spontaneous and make the best out of a disastrous situation. I had always pictured our silver anniversary to be one of joy, love, and happiness surrounded by family and friends- perhaps even renewing our vows, but instead we were sitting on the bed watching TV in Spanish. Just then I remembered something my dad said to me and my brother all of our lives- “It’s not the smartest, strongest, or fastest that wins- it’s the one with tenacity and who never gives up.” This quote would apply not only to our marriage, but to this situation as well. In that moment, I told my husband to get up! Put your trunks on, fill your cup with “spirits” (which happened to be bourbon)because we are going down there with those people and we are going to have a good time- come hell or high water! We ended up having the best time laughing, drinking, swimming, making new friends and looking up at the sky with defiance -that no matter what was coming we were together and everything little thing was going to be alright. Elizabeth Edwards said, “She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails.”
My mother has some pretty awesome life quotes too, but the one that stood out the most was that, “God takes care of babies and damn fools.” Well, we certainly aren’t babies anymore. That quote definitely applied to our stunt in the pool. The pool staff ended up fussing everyone out of the the pool for our safety and we couldn’t stop laughing, as it reminded us of our younger and wilder days. We ended up meeting some cool couples, one particular couple that we have since stay connected with even after our vacation. Luckily, the rain held off long enough for us to catch a golf cart ride up to the resort restaurant for dinner. I took off the scandalous fuchsia dress and instead put on pink shorts, a white tank top and flip flops. The waiters felt badly for us and gave us a fine champagne toast, serenade, and treated us like royalty. The other couples congratulated us and were amazed at the length of time we’ve been together remarking at how young we appeared to be. We laughed and reminisced like we hadn’t done in forever talking about love, life, pain, and everything in between. There was a lightness in our hearts that night that I hadn’t felt in so long. It was a reminder that many of our problems are “1st world problems” and when facing a life threatening situation it is easy to put things into perspective. But, most of all that with God, faith, and tenacity… all things are possible through HIM.
That particular storm only lasted for 2 days and 2 nights, but the winds howled as if threatening to wipe us off the face of the Earth. But as always, the morning came and the storm rolled out as quickly as she had come in. We were in tact and were actually made stronger as a result of it. It was a reminder of what truly matters in life and how we can get off track; especially when you’ve been on a path for a quarter of a century. It can become worn down through time and circumstance. It’s easy to get lost and forget where you came in at. This celebration coupled with this storm was a lesson in holding on to each other in difficult times and having faith enough to also let go of what we cannot control. Storms are inevitable and destructive, but they have the capacity to make us build a new and stronger foundation. “Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.” Like the ocean, marriage is beautiful and deep. Storms will form on them and within, but if you keep going and keep treading through- you can make it to the shore on the other side. Be tenacious in your love for one another and add some adventure and excitement in there for good measure! 25 years in…we are far from the shallow now. There’s no letting go and no turning back.
Speaking Frankly,
Janay Durand Frank
