It was my college Homecoming and I couldn’t wait to get back down to my alma mater Southern University in the glorious state of Louisiana. I was eager to see my girlfriends, get back on the yard, and eat to my heart’s content. Walking out of the airport that steamy fall day, the humidity greeted me with a punch in the face, as my freshly pressed hair began to grow into a halo of frizz. However, none of that mattered as my excitement to be back in The Red Stick (Baton Rouge) outweighed the greenhouse effect permeating from the tarmac. My girlfriend rolled up to the airport, as I patiently waited outside of baggage claim and yelled, “Get in!” It was similar to a scene in a movie or something I would have expected from a crazy night on the yard circa 1995. However, I didn’t worry about the details of the bizarre pickup- I was too focused on my plans for the weekend. Little did I know that this trip would plant a seed for not only wanting to write again, but also for inspiring this blog. As we drove onto campus, all the memories of life on the yard came rushing back. The memory in particular that flushed out the rest was the one of me and my girlfriend driving down the same main strip of campus when I met, who would one day be my husband, Mr. Billy Frank. I remember that sultry fall day in 1993 like it was yesterday. I had recently gotten out of an “entanglement” and was not looking for a relationship. It was a few months into our sophomore year and my friend and I were cruising in her new red car, music blaring, feeling like we ruled the world and all things were possible. My friend slowed down and introduced me to this handsome young man with the prettiest amber eyes. They grew up in neighboring towns and she thought I should know him. He was indubitably different than the jokers that I had met up until that point. Billy reached out his hand to firmly shake mine and pierced me with that stare. I remember leaving that encounter and my friend talking Billy up like she was a recruiter -that would get a hefty commission if she managed to make a love connection between us. The take away from that day was that I had met someone special who was vastly different than your typical man on campus. At that point, I was over “typical” and was ready for extraordinary. Our chemistry was off the charts and I knew that I would never chase a man, oh but did I ever have a plan. My mother being the epitome of a Southern Belle with class, charm, grace, and good manners that puts Emily Post to shame- still taught me to always be my own woman. She has always been an example of a trailblazer that never followed the pack, but instead was the fearless leader of the pack. Although, I follow the rules of etiquette to the letter concerning matters such as sending thank you notes and things of that nature- I certainly love to break all the rules when it comes to everything else! With that in mind, I didn’t worry about what so many “well intentioned” women and men will tell you about not “initiating” a relationship. I respect everyone’s choice, but I wasn’t going to be the girl who ended up with whoever was interested in me. After all, I might be still be waiting- if that was my approach. I was going to get who I wanted. I never have chased a man, but I personally believe to even the playing field, extra measures must be taken to achieve our goals. At Southern University, there are 10 females for every 1 male. The odds were not in my favor. I took the so called “rules of engagement” between men and women and threw the book out of the window! Imagine this for a moment, I would not be married to Billy for the last 23 years, have these two amazing children or the life that we have built today if I had waited for him to pursue me. I’m no Beyonce or J-Lo, but his lack of follow thru wasn’t due to him not finding me attractive. I would be remiss if I didn’t share that so many men have told me throughout the years that their greatest fear is rejection. I know that you’ll hear just as many men say that if a man is truly interested- that no matter how shy, introverted, or nervous he is- that he will still find a way to approach you. I don’t agree with that based upon my experiences, both in high school and college. My husband, my brother, and my son are all very similar in this regard. Unless they are 1000% certain- you might as well hang it up on them approaching you. Not to mention, I have talked to several men over the years who agree wholeheartedly with me and this is the secret that they wish women knew. Now granted, you’ll have those men that don’t agree and that’s fine. But, for all my single ladies out there who have tried the fallback approach and it hasn’t worked- why not try mine? Over the last five years, I have given time, energy, and a little research to this topic. My 22 year old son and I have lively conversations that lead to heated debates often times about the nature of women and men. I don’t purport to be a “die hard feminist”- not that anything is wrong with that. My close friends know that I can be a very traditional and “old school wife” when it comes to certain matters. However, it’s the 21 century ladies! If plan A isn’t working- let’s not be too hasty and at least try plan B. I realize that there are aspects to the nature of men and women that will never change, but there are ways around everything. I hope to write a book one day about my detailed plan of action regarding relationships. Until then, I’ll leave you with this- my life AIN’T perfect, but it’s perfectly imperfect to me. I couldn’t imagine if I hadn’t decided to go against societal norms and take matters into my own hands. You can ask Billy yourself- we definitely wouldn’t be together had I not “initiated” our relationship in the fall of 1993. Now, 27 years together and 23 years married -I can’t shake this dude if I tried. I’m just saying…..don’t knock it- until you try it!

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