I once read that God removes people from your life because He heard conversations that you didn’t hear. It’s funny how the truth always has a way of eventually coming to light, even if it’s several years later. I’m speaking of betrayal and the toll that it can take on you over time. It’s like slowly being poisoned to death. It is an insidious monster that hasn’t the mercy to kill you quickly, but instead torture you over time. Once you find out the truth, life as you knew it can never be the same. The people you thought you knew are strangers and all the smoke and mirrors fall crashing to the ground. What remains cannot be explained, but the weight of it is most certainly felt. People spend so much time carefully crafting elaborate masks to disguise the monster that lies beneath. Unfortunately, I have come to know many “monsters” in my day, but what is most frightening is that I called these people by the name “friends.”

Bob Marley once said, …..”Truth is everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” I hate to agree with this sentiment, but inevitably it is true. We all are human and we all will disappoint one another at some point in our lives. The question is….how do we trust again and how do we move on? People make mistakes and sometimes people have a change of heart; however I don’t think that the core of who someone is really changes at all. If you plan to continue to engage with them, here are the three things you must know. The first thing is knowing that it’s okay to let people go. There’s a season, a reason, and a lifetime for friendships- use your God-given discernment and figure out the difference. The second thing, if you plan to continue to engage is to set clear boundaries with them to protect your peace. If they aren’t comfortable with this- then that tells you that they aren’t worth keeping. Lastly, don’t trust people- only trust that they will be exactly who they are in the world- there’s a major distinction in that. People show us who they are through repeated action and it’s up to us to trust ourselves enough to handle them accordingly. Keep them at arms length and if they don’t like their new position in your life- who cares! I would much rather have people respect me than like me any day. Respect begets respect.

Unfortunately, everyone will taste the bitter fruit of some form of betrayal at one point in this life. It could be slander, defamation of character, “inception”- the planting of seeds of doubt, and all other creations of chaos. How you handle it determines who you are. Do you let it harden your heart and become bitter and withdrawn? Do you address it head on and attack? Or do you see clearly the rough winds ahead and adjust your sails with silent precision? Only you can make that decision for yourself.

One of my favorite shows, AMC’s hit series Breaking Bad, reminds me of how close we all can get to danger and how you never fully know anyone. No one would have ever imagined that the sweet and harmless high school chemistry teacher, Walter White, would have ever devolved into this maniacal and sinister drug kingpin. For his character, desperate times called for desperate measures and eventually the power took over and consumed him. Walter White was “murdered” by who he allowed himself to become- his alter ego Heisenberg. I feel that we all have aspects of light and dark within us; therefore we must stay vigilant not allowing the darkness to set in. Many are capable of things, if pushed too far- would frighten most people. Walter was able to hide this dark side from his family for a long time. But, in all things, what is done in the dark will eventually come to light.

I suppose I am speaking in hyperbolic terms to impress upon the fact that even the best of people will surprise you and sadly hurt you for their own selfish, narcissistic, and careless reasons. Is it fair to call these individuals “monsters”- depending on the circumstance- I think so. In the English language, monster can be defined as a powerful person or thing that cannot be controlled and that causes many problems. That being said, I guess we all have the capability of being a “monster” or the bad guy in someone else’s story. Do we ever really know who the people in our lives are? What I do know is this- anyone is capable of anything good or bad, under the right set of circumstances. Despite it all, I still tend to believe that most people lean towards the spectrum of goodness. So when it starts to get dark around you, remember this- “Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Don’t let the monsters that walk among us- walk within us.

Speaking Frankly,

Janay Frank