I once read that you will find The One when you aren’t looking. You’ll find The One when you least expect it. The One will appear in divine time, and that “two souls don’t find each other by simple accident.” I believe that there is order in all of the chaos of life and matters of love. Beyond the veil of this world lies the scroll of past, present, and future lover’s every deed, contract, heartbreak, tragedy and triumph ever made. This notion would denote the belief in fate- defined as a development of events beyond a person’s control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power. So the question remains- do we simply wait for our soul mate to enter our lives, relying on fate, or do we try to aide that process along with action?

Some would say it is wise to have a plan of action and study love like a curriculum. Others drop out of that school and opt for a travel abroad approach- backpacking through their journey and living on the edge. Regardless of your method for finding The One- life has a way of teaching us lessons through trial and error. Mistakes will be made and failure is inevitable along this path. Perhaps, life is preparing us to become fully ourselves so that when we find The One we will recognize them. We will see them in their entirety and not as another half needing to become whole attempting to fill a bottomless pit. Repeated failures and dropped classes have calloused our hearts, but have made us stronger and wiser. Being torn to pieces so many times before has made us resilient as we scour the Earth gathering the remains of ourselves that we gave away with the goal to reclaim them forever.

Lao Tzu said, “When the student is ready the teacher appears. When the student is truly ready the teacher disappears.” Many times throughout our lives we will think that we have found The One, but the secret is not in finding someone out there in the world- the beauty is in finding ourselves right where we are. When you truly know who you are – nothing and no one can shake you. It is where true peace and joy are found- the foundation of real love.

We spend so much time searching externally for things that can only be found within. We waste countless amounts of time trying to impress others through our appearance and worldly goods- seeking to find worth in temporary spoils. All of those illusions and objects will diminish in value with time, but yet we neglect that which is eternal. When we begin to see that the focus should not be on finding a mate- it should be on finding out who we are, what we like, and what we need. Ask not if you’re good enough for them- ask instead if they are good enough for you.

I suppose there are no wrong answers when it comes to matters of love. I personally believe that we find our soul mates with a combination of both fate and action- something I’ll later detail in my book. The lesson to take away from it in the meantime is that self-love, self-acceptance, and self-care should be a freshman level course that all learn; instead of it only being taught in the graduate school of life. I learned in science that energy cannot be created or destroyed- only transferred. I know that applies to love, just the same. When the time is right it will find you, but understand too that it was always there in a different form. Whether we believe that The One will be revealed in divine time or that we should take action and help facilitate the process- make sure that we take as many AP courses as possible to prepare ourselves for the greatest love of all- YOU! So as you matriculate through the lessons of life and love “be the love you’ve never received” and anything added will be extra credit!

Speaking Frankly,

Janay Durand Frank